The Spare Wheel

known

here i am again on my "alternative" blog

today i'm thinking i don't really care what anybody else thinks. i'm so sick of being worried about that. now i'm finally doing something in my life that is very much independent of most everybody that i know, which is really strange and new. don't get me wrong - those who will pray for me before, during and after the time i'm in the States and while i'm searching out God's Will for this life of mine, well, that's totally appreciated, welcomed, and hoped for.... and definitely keeps us connected (i.e. dependent) but in a way i totally dig and long for.

all i know is that this summer will be a turning point in my life - in one direction or another. and i'm very excited by that - and kind of scared too.

but

there are times i just get so frustrated. like nobody gets it. nobody gets who i am or who i want to be. maybe i'm wrong on this. or maybe it's difficult since i'm still trying to figure it out. i guess that's why i need to keep up with the entire "God gets it" thing and look to Him 100% on the questions like "where do i belong?" and "where do you want me?" and, honestly, any question that i have.... i should be asking Him first and waiting on Him for the answers.

it's hard when you just want to be known for who you are. not what you do. or who you know. or what people think you are about. i realise i don't truly know many people. maybe that's my own fault. and i know very few know me. (and it's surprising which ones do and which ones don't.... it's not always who or what we'd expect at a first glance)

anyway - i press on

because i'm here for a reason... God's got a reason for making me the way i am.... He'll put me where He needs me, if i'm listening. i think i am.....

posted by olivepeople @ 7:01 PM